Falling Asleep Doesn't Hurt

A couple of nights ago, we were playing with Ava and tickling her to death while putting her to bed. She kept asking for more tickle torture and then finally, I said, "If I keep tickling you, you won't fall asleep." I don't remember specifically but I must've said something about me falling asleep also because she asked," Aw, Mommy, you fall asleep and get hurt?"

I think we've decided on a name for Baby Baby. I also think we're going to savor the name for a little while before we share it. I'm 16 weeks along and have been feeling Baby Baby's punches and kicks for a couple of weeks and this week, they've been getting noticeably stronger and frequent. I remember when I was pregnant with Ava, I was nearly obsessive about every nuance of pregnancy and learning everything possible about it. With this one, having gotten past the first trimester, I forget that I'm pregnant most of the time. There's no obsession; it's been more of a quiet, sweet anticipation.

I have to admit, though, that the pregnancy has made me encourage Ava's independence more. I carry her less and less, and if I do, it's shorter distances than before. She's nearly 3 years old, getting so big and heavy (3 feet tall and 30 lbs, if not more), and furthermore, it's starting to strain my back with the pregnancy. Sometimes, it seems to genuinely hurt her feelings when I won't carry her and I know Ava's sad cry when I see it. I feel so badly but I tell her that she's growing to be such a big girl and it's almost time for mommies to stop carrying big girls. She is definitely getting used to walking a lot more but gets tired, especially if it's close to nap time. Greg usually totes her if he's there. Another example of encouraging independence is getting her to put her shoes on herself everyday. She was putting on her shoes herself anyway but there were plenty of times I swooped in and did it because she was moving too slowly for me. It's the same with her clothes and I've been telling myself to let her correct her own mistake if she's put something on wrong or backwards, even if it takes a little longer. Her independence vs. my desire for speed and efficiency - whew.

Ava is getting so good about things like putting away her shoes in the closet (in this culture, you always take your shoes off at the door) instead of leaving them on the floor in front of the door. Today, I noticed her dropping her spoon into the sink when she was done eating her yogurt. She's doing little random (not necessarily consistent) helpful things without being prompted - like finding a used tissue that I'd dropped and taking it straight to the trash....and I've never asked her to take my used tissues to the trash. I'm starting to realize a lot of little different ways that she can be helpful like taking her dinner plate to the kitchen after eating. She generally loves to help but she does have moods sometimes when she doesn't want to help with anything.

All the little steps of independence are great and I love being surprised by what Ava can do but I still have the little pangs of "my little baby is growing up."  I don't want to encourage her independence too much, too quickly, or even let her think it has something to do with the baby coming. She may not make the connection but kids are amazingly intuitive so I wouldn't put it past her.